Personal thoughts VI…

Personal thoughts VI… Is a dark night … outside! I miss so much the night that once I felt. The artificial room puts me under interrogatory. I am the convict that hardly waits to be executed to the wall of hope. They keep me under the yellow shivering of a light bulb, maybe inoffensive and I search for the jury men with my unloaded look – the ideas hang on by the thoughts and hear that I could find them where there is no peace, or maybe where there is no light. How knavish the time can be – it gives you a high respite for humanity existence, so the correct answer can be found out only after some mad seconds. Yes, I think that I’ve found them. I’ll turn off the light and I’ll see if the processed ideas are really true. I pushed the button and … I can’t see anything; what’s happening? What infamy, these ideas are very impolite. Shame on you!!! Wait! Wait a little! I think I see something. Yes, there’s something out there. Now I remember – is not ideas’ fault, but the eyes woke up later. I crushed something, something pinched me. I think that there are some walls in front of my way to the window. I found it!!! […] as I stayed and watched, the juries were starring from somewhere up. I couldn’t see their faces, only their eyes. Their shiny eyes were burning the flesh of my soul. I could feel how we all were looking straight and it was a confrontation of watching, that finally one of us should be the winner. I had no chance, their look blinded mine. Finally the verdict was ready. I could hear them pronouncing my fate: “You’re condemned to dark, to memories and torments of love; and you’ll be cursed that each night you’ll look into our eyes, so you’ll be blinded by hope”. These were the whispers I felt annoying my ears. They were continuously screaming inside my skull and it was like the whispers wanted to escape and to smother me. I could hear them never stopped. Now after thousands of reincarnations I write these words sent by my ancestors who join me in a way or another, because I haven’t taken another punishment. Is night … inside of me!