where distance learns desire

It's hard to stay happy when your straight male friends just want to have sex with you, and all you really want is to fly 638 km away to stay in your holiday sweetheart's arms and rest your head on his chest while listening to "Princes" and his favorite songs. He might think I'd immediately forget this music, but I want to put it in my veins, because headphones and speakers aren't enough. Then we would put our clothes back on and go out to the balcony to smoke cigarettes, and I would ask for his phone to play Cigarettes After Sex. I'd ask him if he knows the band, and he'd say yes!! I would let him choose the song because I want that song to haunt me forever, but he wouldn't expect me to do this, so he'd say, "Hey, you better play your favorite song from them," and I'd laugh, letting slip the thought that he didn't know CAS. Then we would talk about Russian and my favorite things, but he wouldn't pay much attention to that, only to my smile and enthusiasm as I spoke about those little things that brought me joy. The next day, I would go back to my country and to my straight male friends who just want sex from me, and my impossible love would go back to his life, and we would return to our normal lives, with emptiness in our hearts.