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Christmas Dream
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They say
Christmas
Is the magic time
When all the dreams come true
But
What do you do
When Santa
The merry old good man
Always forgets about you?
My Christmas dream?
Ever wished
Never happened...Never owned...
Angels watching
Blessing Family
Children laughter
Christmassy
Tinsel, glamour
Mistletoe
Carols, presents
Pure white snow
YOU
Helping me into the kitchen
Licking my finger to check the cream
A glass of red wine
At midnight
At the church have we been?
Then
YOU again
My special Christmas gift
The Stranger of my Dream
In the still blessed Night
Kissing and loving me
Under the candle light
Of the fairy
Christmas tree...
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In afara de asta, textului tau, dupa parerea mea, ii cam lipseste acel \"ceva\".
Ai cateva expresii care sunt nepotrivite:
\"Licking my finger to check the cream\"
Asta e una din ele.
In al doilea rand nu prea spui nimic in afara de faptul ca nu ti-ai primit cadoul de Craciun ( sau ca a uitat mosul de tine ) iar ultimele doua strofe sunt pline de exprimari cotidiene care nu sugereaza mai nimic.Totul e spus prea direct.
\"Then
YOU again
My special Christmas gift
The Stranger of my Dream
In the still blessed Night
Kissing and loving me
Under the candle light
Of the fairy
Christmas tree... \"
Strofa asta nu se prea incadreaza la poezie.E pur si simplu o descriere careia ii cam lipseste inspiratia poetica.
Te sfatuiesc sa mai lucrezi la text si sa-l incadrezi la limba care trebuie.