buddha bar next to my body

life really wanted to show me live

how things work out with girlfriends and boyfriends

so it shot from a short distance

the bullet passed near my ear

and it made a hole for an earing and after I got out of the hospital

I decided to became gay

my first relationship was with a guy well in his forties

de had freddie`s teeth and collected old records

he spoke a rotten language with noun and verb in an unlettered Romanian language

cute and obscene words spoken in a rotten English

we fucked however he wanted in an old bed

in which God might have slept too

until I threw up on the balcony over his ”watching the sunrise” coffee table

in the morning I woke up first I threw his cat out the window and the keys in the elevator`s shaft

the second guy I chose randomly in a hurry on a website

I wanted to see if there was any tenderness between two male pubis bones

it was more like a rape but I didn`t make a sound

I bit him until I had his blood on my teeth

in which HIV swam like piranha

the rest of the night I inhaled his beer breath

I watched his underwear on the radiator

I listened to the crickets in the yard

I smoked his slim cigarettes producing a constellation of burn marks

on the ikea mattress

the third started to get nervous when I told him I wrote

he begged not to mention him anywhere

got down on his knees and started to suck my dick

asking in a frenzy not to write about him

I said ”you dick”

I found one I dominated and it felt really really good

”I know what I want where I want and about whom I want”

he was a ”have no clue” young man for whom poetry meant Eminescu

and I was a kind of

this is why I spat in his face with no remorse

then I don`t know how it happened

tha I woke up

`cause the fool whispered in my ear

”stay calm

I am a shaman I can make the dead alive again”

but I ran away I was happy he had killed me

I had no need for him to bring me back to life

at least not a Christ like him

I left him in the rented studio

to listen to buddha bar next to my body