switch/off

It’s too late now ; for you or another…I just want to…

You speed through the city! You speed through my life and I am too tired. So please, stop!

Take your hands off…I've had enough of you!

I panic because of the speed. I panic because the light is missing, and your eyes are no lighthouse.

This city of yours I don’t know it/ I don’t like it/ I don’t follow you anymore/ I am not yours anymore!

Once you told me fairy tales with dragons and now all that I feel is the sweat of your palm on my breast and my nipples are not as hard as they used to be, and I can see the surprise in your eyes!

Yes I don’t want to fuck you anymore! Just drop me here.

I will walk.

I am not dancing and what I hear is not music, but my breath and my heels crushing the dust of the street!

I’ve just jumped over the edge and I don’t know if I am flying or falling, and if my next step will disintegrate and disappear into the hard concrete!

I feel his hands like phantoms on my skin; I can still hear his words rhythm in the back of my neck: I_w_a_n_t_y_o_u_n_o_w!

I am almost running…Please don’t follow me. Don’t grab my legs, my back, my hair! Your arms are too long, and I can almost see them how they come after me.

Run!

I came back to see…more to convince myself that I am real and that I can face you! And I can assure you this night I am ready to fight all my fears, but this one…

You BASTARD!

You DAMN BASTARD!

You didn’t let me enjoy my victory over you and myself! You set your house on fire…you fucking selfish bastard!

People gathered into the street were whispering on how you locked the door/ And how you cried the name of a woman/ and how you invoked the name of love!

You bloody actor!…you got your beautiful point on this one! Don’t think I will feel guilty, because I won’t! Don’t think I will believe you loved me, because you didn’t!

….I am so empty….I am so lonely……I am so nobody’s woman……

I am pointless walking in this city of yours; discovering its dirty streets, its blackness and coldness…the light is so rare my dead Man!

The noise of the flames you brought to life is fading away…the people and their voices are already in the past, and I am heading towards no future my dear Dead Man!

My beloved Dead Man,

This is my first letter of love I am sending to you/ Now that you can’t read anymore, now that I can’t see you anymore; now that I can’t feel you anymore/

You were not my light house. You were speeding through my life, never ready to settle down!

I never liked your hands. I never loved you my beloved Dead Man!

But now I am ready to be your woman!

text : ovidiu tataru

photos: Annelore Mesnage: http://web.mac.com/anneloremesnage/switch_off/Switch_Off.html