Thoughts VII

And I am so lost, sailing on an ambiguous sea. No land in sight. There seems to be more than one thousand miles between me and those words of affection that I once pronounced each day. I’ve become speechless for you, my dear, made me keep everything inside. I’m not the same and I don’t like it. A part of me took a decision that I wasn’t aware until a few days ago: chose to stay away rather than open up and meet a huge block of ice. I know, you bought some fresh wings, thoughts, opinions. Trying to invigorate my mind by using a paddle to move on. Still, I can’t see anything ahead. There’s just a huge space that I wish it did not exist. Forgive me for not saying anything, but I don’t seem to have the power. It was taken away... ~sigh~ I came to believe that by giving you some light and sweet spheres, I drag upon me the most fragile mantle the world has ever seen. And that moment anyone can crush me, especially you A few decades ago, each word I thought of and wanted to hear came as soon as possible. Why is that? Never considered the possibility that it would have been better if we had never met. ~thinking~. But your heart flew side by side with happiness many times. And mine too. So, I suppose it was worth it. At least you were, as I was …are thrilled of how the earth revolves around the sun. I feel like I had given my soul away and left empty. However, that’s just a part of me speaking. Another one: “I’m gonna be fine”. And another: “ You know me. Do something!”… and yet the one that keeps messing with my head is taking charge: “ Smiling, ain’t showing it. Shedding within, lost heart…”