The last night

Late in the night, with a glass of wine in my hand, I went out on the porch. It was so cold, a dried wind was penetrating into my body but I didn\'t feel anything anymore. - He was a good friend! I was walking along the porch, pacing from side to side... I dropped the glass down. It broke. A short sound... then nothing, silence. It bothered me so much that silence. - I could have taken care of him! The wind! Oh, why I couldn\'t be just a wind? I wish I would have had the power of the wind, to fly with him, to talk to him, to have the power and give myself and him another life. - It was no my fault that he died! I should have called to the hospital or maybe the police. I didn\'t know what they do in these cases, I never lost someone before. I never had someone before. We met accidental, he was alone, too. We lived toghether, far from the whole world. But I was writing all the time. He used to tell me that I don\'t see he\'s there next to me, that he\'s alive, too. I didn\'t pay much attention to his words. - How would I have known that he was going to leave so soon? I should have told him so many things. I really had in my heart a lot, but I guess I had no time. Now I had to do something. We have lived here, near to the forest, Our neighbours were too far and I couldn\'t bother anyone at such a time, in the middle of the night. In fact, no one knew we were living there. - Why you had to leave me alone in a situation like this? I felt so furious. Desperate. My hands and legs were trembling. I went back in the room where I left him. - You were a good friend. A very good one. I had to take care of him so I put him in a chair, bound him, not to fall down, and I took him out of the house. I carried him to the creek, it was difficult and heavy but I did it somehow. When we were next to the water, I let him free from the chair and put him down on the shore. - I\'m here now. It\'s going to be OK. Oh damn you! What about me? What I\'m going to do with myself? Nobody thought about me? I sat down next to him. - Maybe you\'ll take me with you. You were the only one who knew I\'m alive. I\'m so tired! I didn\'t even realise that you were my whole world.